Here's an extra day in bed...
What will you do with it?
What would you do with a whole extra day in your week for sex? In the UK this is a Bank Holiday weekend – office workers get Monday off work, and if we’re self-employed we might choose to take the day off too. What if we were to devote that whole day to intimate pleasure?
Whilst that might not be possible in your reality, imagine for a moment it is… How would you fill that day?
When we only find 20 minutes last thing at night for sex, what we do in that time might become limited and repetitive. We do what we know ‘works’ for us to achieve a level of pleasure we are satisfied with, battling tiredness and the awareness our morning alarm is going off in a few hours. But when we imagine having lots more time and energy, we become aware of other activities or ways of being in sex that we might want to try.
Take a few minutes to think about this, and make some notes if you like. How would you fill the day?
Think beyond sex itself, to things which get you in a good mood and feeling connected to your body. So maybe your ‘sex day’ starts with waking up naturally, doing some yoga, having a healthy breakfast then a walk in the sunshine. If you then went back to bed (with your lover or just with yourself), how would that feel different, compared to your usual late-night rendezvous?
If you have a partner, they can do this exercise separately and then you can compare notes to see where you overlap in your ideal day.
Sometimes when clients of mine do this exercise they realise that alcohol is always part of their (night-time) encounters. How does it feel to think of sober, daytime sex? If that’s uncomfortable, get gently curious as to why. This might reveal some challenging insecurities. You’re not alone: this is something people reach out to me for coaching around. Reply to this email to explore how I can support you.
Next, sit back and review what this exercise has taught you. What would you be most excited about, in your day-of-sex? Having the time to relax and read erotica? To enjoy a long massage from your partner? To have a slow languorous journey to orgasm instead of getting there as fast as possible? To enjoy the afterglow without immediately falling asleep… and maybe then having a round two?
Lastly, ask yourself what one lesson you can take from this exercise into your week-by-week intimate life to make it more pleasurable.
Congratulations, you are consciously crafting your sex life! And maybe you’re inspired to spend the Bank Holiday Monday bringing your vision into reality…
Ruth
