This is how long it takes a woman to cum

The stat which changed my sex life

One of the stats I share in my workshops which is guaranteed to create a reaction, is the average time it takes a woman to reach orgasm with an established male partner. Female viewers are shocked. “So there’s nothing wrong with me?!” is something I hear again and again.

It’s what I thought the first time I heard it. So I find it important to share here in my newsletter now and then, for any new readers who don’t know the stats.

The average time is almost 14 minutes. That’s from a baseline of already being aroused, for women who are ‘reliably orgasmic’, and with a steady partner (so whom one would hope knows their body and cares about their pleasure).

(Photo by Roven Images on Unsplash)

Here’s where that stat has come from. A international study was conducted* of 645 women in ‘monogamous stable heterosexual relationships’ over an eight-week period. The women had stopwatches, which they started after an ‘adequate arousal’ baseline had already been achieved – so they were measuring the time it took of the right type of stimulation once already warmed-up, not the time from the first suggestion of “Hey, shall we go upstairs and…?”

The results showed the average time to orgasm for partnered play, was 13 minutes 41 seconds (for the majority through means other than penetration). Of course, we are all different, both from each other and from ourselves day by day; but that's a large enough study for me to trust the result. It's also backed up by my own experience and that of the majority of women I speak to about it.

If you’re a woman reading this thinking “So I faked Os for years with partners because I was ashamed I ‘took too long’, as it didn’t happen in five minutes... but in fact I am normal?” – yep!

This study was conducted in early 2020, but I first learned that I ‘wasn’t broken’ around 17 years ago, when I read Dr Ian Kerner’s fab book She Comes First. I had spent my adult life believing I took too long with partners. I no longer have my copy to fact-check (I gave it to a male friend, who took the gift in the right way!), but I recall he writes it takes around 15 minutes of the right type of stimulation, steadily and ongoing, once a baseline of arousal has been reached. [He reports that in solo play orgasm is reached much quicker.]

I wish everyone with a vulva, or who goes to bed with someone with one, knew this! Simply the knowledge that we are normal, can allow us to relax and be in the moment more, stop self-criticising and stop worrying. Of course that in itself will lead to faster and more fulfilling arousal.

Please share these stats with at least one other person! And if you want to learn more, come to my workshop How To Pleasure A Vulva, on Tuesday 4 March - find out more here.

Happier sexual relationships and a happier world begins not with high-tech toys, or with degrees in communication skills, but with knowledge like this.

Ruth

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If you’re in London and curious about the events I and others run through WAX, come join us for a drink at the WAX Mixer social event next Thursday 27 February.

It’s an informal and upbeat event. And Tech Support will be there too!

Book your ticket here:

https://app.wearexapp.com/even...

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*https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32044258/

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