What’s it like to strip naked and pose, legs-open, in front of a roomful of strangers… at approaching age 50?
That’s what I found out last week, when I was the model for the East London Strippers Collective life drawing class. The ELSC had invited me out of retirement to perform, as a veteran stripper heavily involved in the activism and politics of the cause back in the day.
[If you don’t know, I was an award-winning stripper, activist, writer, event organiser and more from 2002-2014, stage name Solitaire.]
When I accepted the invitation, I wrote about it in my Something For The Weekend post 'The prospect of getting my kit off is bringing up funny feelings': “I’m curious and excited… and a bit afraid. What will ‘going there’ again be like? I grieved the loss of stripping for five years… Do I risk opening up old wounds, an old passion, a longing for a time that I can’t get back? Or maybe an even worse prospect: I left stripping on a high… what if I find I now hate it?”
I was also feeling some shyness about showing my vulva, some body image hang-ups were proving bigger than I had expected, and I was a bit worried of judgement around my age. Wow, who knew all that was bubbling away under the surface despite my coaching job?! And what an amazing opportunity to tackle it all.
So, what was it like?
Firstly, surreal: to trundle a little wheelie suitcase of sexy clothes and heels through the East End of London, to a pub (The Crown & Shuttle) I had never set foot in; go in, and proceed to get my kit off to a roomful of strangers, just like I used to. I had thought I’d be terribly nervous but actually it was a reclamation of the confidence I had in those days. I savoured the thrill of doing something daring and taboo, just as I used to. My head was held high.
The class was split into two, hour long segments of dancing and posing. I’d been asked to bring an outfit for each segment, and a playlist of 30 tracks. I decided as I had been invited as a veteran, to talk about how it was back in the day, to showcase my style of stripping back then.
I spent ages crafting a playlist that took in all my old performance classics – at least, the relatively chilled ones suitable for such a class (my paying Substack subscribers get a link to this at the bottom of this page). And both my outfits were complex, with plenty to remove and to play with – such as a satin sash that started off tied in a bow round my neck and which I then used to blindfold myself.
I was in my element as soon as the class started. I got to introduce myself then give a little background. While I enjoy presenting my workshops etc online – WOW, how amazing to be in a room of people again and feel their energy (25 artists with a balance of genders and ages 20s to 60s).
Once I was dancing, it was as if no time had passed (aside from not being so natural wearing high heels as I used to be). I got into the flow, and especially in my second act – where I performed barefoot – it felt magical. The room was full of beautiful erotic energy and we were all together enjoying it, free of judgment or shame or of it meaning anything more ‘had to happen’. The rest of the world disappeared. The ELSC compere, Izzy, was so entranced she forgot to tell me to ‘freeze!’ - I had to remind her.
I realised the parts of my body which I like the least these days and had felt a bit shy about showing, were simply balanced parts of the whole, for this audience. It may be that when I looked in the mirror I only saw this thing and that bit, dwarfing everything else in my mind – but in fact, they were almost meaningless when taken as part of the whole.
I found my body did moves and spins around the pole I hadn’t expected to ask of it, and I held the longer poses (five, 10 and 15 minutes) mostly with ease. By the end my legs were tired, especially my calves, but otherwise I felt fine. I was aching for days afterwards though!
My fears had been unfounded. Rather than opening up old wounds and grief, it felt like a glorious homecoming. Rather than finding I hated it, I found I loved it and understood it and appreciated it more than ever.
In the longer poses the audience could ask me questions, and I got to share my beliefs on sexual energy at some length, as well as what stripping was like back in the day.
I had an email the day after from an artist saying: “I really appreciated listening to your story yesterday evening. It released positive feelings in me about my sexuality and my wish to express my joy in sex with another. I often lose sight of this. Sadly the current climate makes it easy to view sexual desire through a negative prism. So I thank you for your positivity around sex.”
I often describe my life’s purpose in interviews as “The promotion of sexual energy as a positive force for good.” It felt amazing to do that so viscerally and beautifully. I’ll be forever grateful to the ELSC for giving me the opportunity for this blissful experience. I had thought it might never happen again.
Watching the drawing as it happened was fascinating as was seeing how the artists all represented me differently. You can see pics from the event and some of my favourite examples of the art here:
https://www.ruthramsay.com/str...
The overall lesson I took from it all? Sexual energy is ageless, timeless and pure. It’s something to share (in a consenting healthy space) without shame or fear. I had forgotten quite how powerful it could be; how beautiful and healing.
I am more committed to my life’s purpose now than ever before. I hope reading this inspires you to re-commit to yours.
Ruth
To become a paying supporter for £5 a month / £50 a year, scroll down. This week you’ll get the link to my ELSC performance playlist . You also get free access to my online workshops and other goodies.
See my previous relevant posts here:
The prospect of getting my kit off is bringing up funny feelings
There are loses and gains to stepping into unconventional sexual territories.
Inside my mind while I dance on-stage
Inside my mind while I dance on-stage
It’s a different kind of Something For The Weekend this week. I recently found an old piece of writing from my stripping days,when I was asked to write a stream of consciousness of what’s going through my mind on-stage. I was a question I used to get asked a lot!
To learn striptease with me or book me for your event, enquire here:
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